Walk of faith: I don't get it.

This year I was made aware of something.

In terms of my religious beliefs, I am not compatible in relationships.

No, I'm not making it up.  When it comes to my laid back attitude towards organized religion, apparently I am incompatible to most females, especially here in the buckle of the Bible belt.

No, I don't get it either.  But apparently it is what it is, whatever it is.

I'm not a church goer.  It's not that I don't believe,  it's just that I wasn't raised "in the church".  My mom and dad were, and they didn't expose my sister and I to church like some of my friends were.

I give my parents a lot of credit for many things now that I really didn't when I was younger, and one of those things was the ability to choose how we believe.  This of course is an example of giving us "room to fail" I discussed previously, which on the surface sounds bad but it taught us accountability, among other things.

It also taught me to make decisions about life, and one of those decisions was to believe but do so on my terms.  It wasn't always easy to do, but I chose my path and tried to live my life well and good.

Simple, straightforward.  No ambiguity. Something you would think would appeal to God, which is the only one I really need approval from.  For all intents and purposes, mere mortals opinion is moot given the fact that all begins and ends with God, according to Scripture.

Apparently, this is incorrect. 

Wildly incorrect. 

Especially when it comes to how I administer my own religious direction.  This was revealed to me earlier this year when the person I had chosen above all others...the one whom I committed my life to and gave my last name to...told me in frank discussion that "the church thing" was one of the reasons why we aren't married anymore.

I have stated elsewhere in this blog that I have gotten past most of the pain surrounding the end of my marriage which took place 15 years ago in October and by and large I have, but things like that bring it all back. 

Additionally, it further illustrates how easy it was for one of us to throw the other away emotionally. 

I consider myself numb to those events for the most part but like any anesthetic sometimes it doesn't deaden all the pain and that has had me rattled for at least 3 of the first six months of this year.

Again,  it's not that I don't believe in God, Jesus or anything like that---I'm just not a church person.  I was led to understand that you could do that and still be a faithful person and be a compatible person in relationships.

If it were just limited to my marriage that would be fine,  but three of the last four of my relationships have ended under the caption of my lack of churchgoing faith preventing anything from developing further.  I consider it insulting, and an unfair judging of who I am.

I don't plan on changing.  As far as I'm concerned,  I'm at peace with my walk in Faith.  To my knowledge, God is too.  I'm too old to try and re-learn how to do that. If I had realized this truth say...a quarter-century ago, maybe things would have been different.

You never know though...