Three days on, I guess I'm doing all right.
Yeah I know I wasn't going to bore you with the bleeding heart stuff, but this was an outlet for me when this happened before and if you don't like it, feel free to leave. I will have something unrelated to this topic in a few days, I'm sure.
So anyway, like I said, I'm doing all right but it is coming and going...the distractions of a weekend with my son...especially with this being father's day weekend 2014, it makes things a bit easier.
But real life is still going to return, and ready to slap me square in the face like it always does and then I will be one step away from hopping the rail and standing on the edge of the bridge emotionally.
But not literally, just in case anyone gets the wrong idea.
I enjoy life too much to end it over something like this, plus if the movies are to be believed people who commit suicide wind up as civil service workers in the afterlife. Either way rest assured that I am not planning that ridiculous and final solution in any way shape or form.
I enjoy life too much to end it over something like this, plus if the movies are to be believed people who commit suicide wind up as civil service workers in the afterlife. Either way rest assured that I am not planning that ridiculous and final solution in any way shape or form.
Nevertheless, there is raw, nagging pain.
I have been through this before and what I am feeling is nothing new. I keep telling myself this to brace myself for the low points ahead. The thing that may be making this easier...at least at first...is the fact that I know that despite everything that led to this apparent endgame I did my best to keep things together, to the point of sacrificing a few of my more deeper principles.
I tried...even though as time wore on I knew inj the back of my mind I was likely doomed to fail I know that to whatever degree up or down I did my level best to make things work from my end no matter what the outcome was ultimately going to be.
It occurred to me the other day that since I became interested in the opposite sex and indeed, since that interest progressed into active relationships I have never, ever broken up with anyone. I may have mentioned that before.
In saying that I mean that I have never initiated the end of the relationship. Mainly I was the one who was clinging to the hope that either my feeble attempts to apologize would result in forgiveness or that it would be this huge epiphany that would result reconciliation.
It's the "Hollywood" thing of pining for happy endings, for lack of a better term.
Has it worked? Well, I'm here writing about a breakup so that pretty much answers that question
It occurred to me the other day that since I became interested in the opposite sex and indeed, since that interest progressed into active relationships I have never, ever broken up with anyone. I may have mentioned that before.
In saying that I mean that I have never initiated the end of the relationship. Mainly I was the one who was clinging to the hope that either my feeble attempts to apologize would result in forgiveness or that it would be this huge epiphany that would result reconciliation.
It's the "Hollywood" thing of pining for happy endings, for lack of a better term.
Has it worked? Well, I'm here writing about a breakup so that pretty much answers that question
I loved her. I still do. It sounds weird but every woman I have ever had a romantic relationship with still has a place in my heart. Even if my heart was broken and my guts ripped out. Doesn't matter if they are married or whatever. I've got in trouble for that but I can't change who I am in that regard. It's not an obsessive thing where I am pining over a love long dead, but more a focus on the good times we had. It would be easy to say "well Rich, you can use that as therapy to get past this...", and I would agree, but right now, this soon after the end the process requires I go through everything that involves emotional pain.
That's the part I am not looking forward to, and those are the days ahead.
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