Haven't done this in a while...

The sandman passed me up again tonight, so I decided on chemical assistance.  So we'll see how long I can remain coherent.

I could go through my usual list of suspects as to why I'm up late but I won't.  If you are a regular reader of this volume, then you already know.  This time however my inability to sleep doesn't play into the list of usual reasons, which is a bit unsettling.

I finally feel like things are moving forward.  For once things look good.  So, that can be crossed off the list of reasons why I can't sleep.  I can blame this on my medical condition too, but at the last bleed-in my numbers were high but not destructively so.  Hell, thinking back when I was supposed to be at death's door in regard to my diabetic condition...that is, prior to the amputation...I slept like a rock.  I mean like my usual comparison to having someone set off a bomb next to my bed and it wouldn't have a prayer of waking me up.  Here, more than likely it's the fact that I am just lazy.

A lot goes through one's mind when insomnia strikes.  Mostly what went on in the past and what I could have done to correct it.  For some that's dangerous because it makes the already depressed mind more depressed.  For me it's usually not the case.  Sure, life threw me my share of curve balls and I am sure it's not through doing so, but I can't see them coming in the future.  I can only see what is in the rear view mirror and it's like watching a high-definition instant replay.

I like to say that there's very little I would change in the past and for the most part, that's true.  That's not to say that there's absolutely NOTHING I would change...but the list is fairly short nonetheless.  I hope as my forties give way to my older years I can see things coming earlier and react to them sooner and lessen the impact if I can't correct the bad things.  

Wow, it didn't take long at all.  Gonna close this before we get to six paragraphs.

Good night all.