So it's four thirty (or so) and my head is once again refusing to shut off to allow me a precious couple of hours of blessed unconsciousness. I wish I had normal sleep patterns like I should. It's really beginning to become a burden.
So what's going on? Nothing much really. I managed to break down a wall and get a job, slinging deli meat at a local grocery store. It lasted all of 6 hours before the realities of being older than the last time I tried retail work (I believe I was 30-32) and the fact that being an amputee does not favor long hours on your feet. Thus, I vaulted back to the realm of unemployment once again.
Two weeks removed from there and I am having feelings of guilt about the decision to give it up. One of my more regrettable qualities is the fact that I'm not real good at finishing things, and that runs the gamut of life's experiences. I vowed never to regret the way I ran my life but it's hard not to do that in hindsight. You can't stop life, and you never get out alive, so you can't be wallowing in regret, guilt or thinking how things might have been.
One thing that I have NOT placed in this blog to date is the fact that once again I am in a relationship. Since the end of February. After a couple of false starts I'm back in the fold, and the best part is that through the trials and tribulations of my unemployed period she has stayed with me, and that indicates a depth of character that hasn't been present in a few of my post-married life attempts, at least not for a while, anyway. So it is pretty obvious that this one may be a keeper, although erring on the side of caution is the prudent, if time consuming, way to go as we move forward.
Hockey season has once again come upon us and the season is 12 games old as of this writing. I have a lot of sentiment that goes along with this time of the year and I am thanking the Man Upstairs that I have the distraction of the every 3-5 day home game cycle. One needs the distraction of fast-paced action and brutal violence every once in a while. The only difference between this time around is that I am having a hard time getting my stories published.
They are hitting the web, but not in as prominent a manner as they were when the news site was getting them posted, so it's problematic at the very best. Thankfully, though the stories aren't being published as much I'm still permitted press privileges, so I can write material in the hopes of making the big time.
Finally, in about a month Christmas will be rolling around, the fourth since I nearly checked out five years ago. I am filled with less of an ominous feeling that I normally am this time, but it's not gone completely. I have decided as of right now...employed or not...I will travel to be with family over the Christmas holiday, as I have every year since my amputation surgery. Left alone and to my own devices, I trust myself to live through things but I need to be with my family, no matter how judgmental they are about how I turned out.
Anyway, that's it for now...there's much more to follow up on and such but it's nearing 5am and after a good 30 minutes tapping this out I'm feeling spent. If I don't generate anything else until 2013 I'll say that I hope my readers find the holidays joyful, and the New Year well. ---Rich.
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