A rant: Movie Theater Etiquette, or how having kids does NOT qualify you as being handicapped and other annoyances.

Okay, I may be reaching here, but I hope you all know what the sign pictured above means, yes?

Good.  Sure, it's annoying that the handicapped get the close parking spots and cool ramps and all that.  Still you risk a ticket if you park in a spot emblazoned with such a sign, and it's just common courtesy that if you see a person in a wheelchair that you should postpone that radical rail-slide with your skateboard, stand aside and let the wheelchair roll on by.

If you observe this common courtesy, we in the handicapped/disabled community thank you.  Sure being in a wheelchair is universally held as a prerequisite to being able to use a space designated by a sign with the symbol: the aforementioned parking spots, wheelchair lifts and ramps, and MOVIE THEATER SEATING, which leads me to the topic of this entry.

I am an amputee, as many of you know, and though I use a prosthetic to walk around I have trouble climbing stairs.  I need to use a railing and though I have had 4 years experience on the prosthetic I am given to periods of unsteadiness from time-to-time.  Thus, I take the opportunity to utilize the seating designated for handicapped persons in the movie theaters.   It's easier for me to do this as opposed to climbing up to a higher level seat.

On two occasions recently I had to negotiate stairs to sit down in the theater because the handicapped seating areas were occupied.  By whom, you ask?  Well, they were occupied by a couple of families with small children.  This posed a question in my less than politically correct mind: Since when did having two or more children qualify you as being disabled?

I am not one who likes to exploit the fact that I am shy a foot.  Especially to get special favors.  In fact, outside of movie theaters the only other time I do play the cripple card is when I fly, and even then the people in wheelchairs always board the plane before I do.  It's the decent thing to do; They can't walk, I can.  They'll need more help to get into the seats, and I won't.  On the other hand, it's good to know that the stews...ERRR...flight attendants will help me if I need it.

I usually grin and bear it without comment and find a seat elsewhere.  Some would think I should do that all the time, but if you say that and you have two feet, I'll go ahead and call BS because it's different than walking on a prosthetic.  Since becoming an amputee and using an artificial limb I can tell you I can feel every crack in the pavement, every pebble, and every change in grade from a speed bump to an uneven curb. 

If you are sure of foot, you compensate for those things without even thinking about it.  For me, I have to study the terrain more carefully and either going up or coming down steps are a longer procedure to perform than those of you lucky enough to have two good feet.

What usually comes along with families occupying the handicapped seats is the fact that most of the time, the kids in these families are very young children.  While it flummoxes me as to why one would bring their children to movies like "Twilight" and "21 Jump Street", loaded with violence, sexual references and drug use, these kids cannot distinguish if what's being presented is a movie in a theater or a DVD at home, so they add commentary when it's time to be quiet. 

Even more infuriating is that the parents sit there like zombies while the kids are making noise and don't remove their kids to the lobby when they act up.  That blows my mind.  To say nothing of the fact that when you hiss a SHHH at them, they look at you like they are insulted.

I do my best to block it out, but it's annoying.  VERY annoying.  I have had occasion to get a manager to take care of the problem, but I shouldn't have to; it's one of these things people should know ALREADY.  My parents used to go to movies like "The Godfather" and "The Towering Inferno" without me when I was younger and while I hated that they were going out leaving me with a sitter I understand why they left us behind, and that is that I would be bored to tears at age 5 seeing The Godfather and scared shitless by Towering Inferno, (as a child, I'd have nightmares about fires.  Really...I did).

It's not a perfect world, I know, and common sense is not all that common.  Still, I do not understand why people don't have brains enough to figure things like this out. 

Okay, I'm done.