It happened again...

I started this blog ten years ago and honestly, I am not sure if I have readers that know why I did it, or even if I have any readers left but at this point, I don't really care.

Put simply, it happened again.  

Once again I'm here facing the rest of my life alone whilst the ruins of another failed relationship lay as smoldering ruins behind me.  And even though I got the standard 'it's not you, it's me' line, suggesting that there was a chance at reconciliation and rebirth, history tells me it more than likely won't happen.

I've never been that lucky.

I am generally a hopeful person as things go...it's sustained me through some tough times in the past.  The thing is I am getting tired of constantly losing.  

To use my favorite sport in analogy, It's the last ten seconds of the game, I'm wide open in front of the net and when the puck is passed to me, I whiffed on the shot.

Thing is, I thought I had done everything right.  I loved her, she loved me, future plans were being made and out of the clear blue sky it all came crashing down.  All the other times this has happened I can, after a period of time, admit to my failure in the relationship but this time I can't really point to anything I did wrong.

And that's what's been eating at me since it happened nearly three weeks ago now.

I realize most of the volumes in this blog are me pissing and moaning about how lonely I am but when you get the feeling in your gut that someone is right for you, and that your life is better for that person being in it and part of your life it'a truly amazing.  That's what makes this so much harder this time around.

I'm angry, sad and lost.  Common feelings, I'm sure, when things like this come to an end but regardless of that this one has more pain to it.  

Like I said, hope is still there, but the more time goes by the dimmer it gets.