I begin this annual blog with the same statement: If you've hung on through the 8 years this blog has been a thing you know that Halloween is a bittersweet "holiday" for me. It was the day in 1996 that my first child, a daughter, was born at rest in St. Francis Hospital here in Tulsa at 1:39am.
Needless to say, that day 22 years ago shifted the world off its axis for me and her mother. It set things in motion, directly and indirectly, that sent life on a few more sharp curves than it usually did, but we rode through it as best we knew how. The old saying goes that you never get over the loss of a child, and even now, 22 years later, her death still haunts her mother and I.
In previous years I have written here that I often think about the young woman she would be today. This year she would have faced the death of my mother, but she would have already experienced it when my dad passed in 2002, when she would have been six years old. Mom would have spent more time with her, developing her artistic side, if she had one, and doing the grandma thing I saw her do with my niece.
How would I have helped her get through it? I honestly don’t know. My son was awesome through the whole situation, but his autism didn’t allow him to express many feelings to either of us. I pretty sure he was sad, and he misses her, but the truth is we’ll never know.
Another significant event that happened this year was that her mother remarried this year. In that situation it would have been a happier event, to be sure, but she’d have her questions which more than likely would have been fielded by her mother. The new husband is a person who would have been in her life for most of it so that would be easier.
There’s been a lot of change this year and though it’s down to the last three months it’s not over yet.
Anyway, one thing hasn’t changed...
Happy birthday my sweet Angel. Daddy loves you.
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