Every year I take time and express myself regarding what was my first brush with personal tragedy. For many of us, that would be the death of an older person or relative but for me it is much worse.
For me, it is the death of my precious baby daughter Angel, born at rest on October 31 1996 at 1:39am.
According to the clock on this laptop that is roughly three and a half hours from now.
Before I go on I want to stress that this is not intended to be disrespectful to my son Sean. I have been blessed by his presence for the past 11 years and I know that he will grow up healthy, strong and smart. This is in tribute to the one child that I made that I would never be able to see grow up, whose last image I have is seeing her in her casket, wearing a white onesie and over sized booties my mother crocheted for her.
It's a cliche' but it's hard to believe that she'd be that old now. She'd be in the year of life where the much-anticipated learner's permit would be issued. And if it hadn't happened already she'd be noticing boys and being fifteen her mother and I would never in a gazillion years understand what being a teenager is like in 2011.
All this was lost in October 1996, when during a routine checkup the doctor could not find a heartbeat. our lives...her mother's and I, had been filled with the anticipation of finally being parents. Now that wasn't going to happen. How we survived the entire ordeal remains a mystery to this day for me. We did, and even though the rest of our marriage was basically the two of us barely going through the motions we survived it.
Still, I can't help wonder what would have happened had she been born, healthy and happy. What would she look like, what her voice sounded like. So many things lost that day.
Happy birthday sweetheart...your daddy loves you.
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