For once, your faithful narrator has something the be hopeful about. I have met someone.
It's very early on at this point, but indeed the ice in the harbor of my beleaguerd heart is beginning to thaw. It's been a very long, rough year with a lot more bitterness than I would care to admit and as far as that goes, I am glad that cupid was true on with his arrow this time because I was seriously thinking about sending that fairy back to the range. Rethinking what went wrong a year ago and reverting to a policy that spurred me on last time has helped me a lot in getting this started, and it was a line that I head on a TV show.
"Just do whatever the hell makes you happy."
I have been down this road before and this is a most exciting time at the beginning of a relationship where the discovering of who that person is becomes the adventure. The best part about it is I don't have the same fear of failure that I have had for the 10+ years since I was married, and that is an odd sensation indeed.
But at the outset at least, everying appears to be clicking.
We have a LOT in common and that helps. The difference in our ages is not that distant...just 4 years as opposed to six or more, and the best part is that she isn't demanding of me and is mature for her age. Over the past year of all the qualities in a relationship I have come to covet that has rocketed steadily to the top of the list. Do not misconstrue the way I said the word demanding there. By demanding I mean that she is accepting of where I am in life. She doesn't mind that I live with a parent, that I have no car or all of the other things, (and there were a lot, mind you), that tripped up the last relationship I was in.
I look in her eyes and I see...happiness. Both with me and with us, and the feeling is mutual. I tell her she has brought my happy back and that makes her eyes twinkle that much more. I have even let a few "L" words fly, and she didn't run from it. She even informed me that it made her heart skip a beat. When all this would happen before I would revert to the mode of self-sabotage and wonder what I was doing right and worry like hell that I was doing something wrong.
Strangely enough, that's not happening now. I am just going with the flow and it's WORKING, and there's no need to force the issue. It feels awesome.
That's all that matters right now as far as I'm concerned.
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